Pregnancy and Body Image

Fri, December 9, 2011 10:07 PM

A client of mine asked me today how I was feeling. Aside from the mellowness from the gloomy weather I’m feeling pretty good. She said, “yeah, but are you ready to have the baby out?” I must get this question countless times a week and my answer is always no. Why? I love being pregnant! This also seems to garner many shocked reactions of people who either know of other women or themselves felt miserable during pregnancy. I don’t know if it’s due to being in good shape and keeping it up during these past 8 1/2 months or if I”m just one of the lucky ones who haven’t suffered any major reactions to pregnancy, but I absolutely love it. Here’s the main reason why…

I’m out of control.

Yes, that seems crazy to a lot of people. Most people with body image issues crave control and order, so you would think that not being in control of the way my body is changing would be a major catalyst for a body image breakdown, but surprisingly it’s not. The only choice I have is to surrender to what’s going on inside of me and let go of the control that I’ve sought my whole life. I need to let my body to what it’s going to do. And you know what? This is the best I’ve ever felt about myself.

Plus, this little girl growing inside of me is more important than any perfection that I can strive for.

Think about that – my body is doing what it’s supposed to do without me having to give it any instruction. It’s managed to turn one cell into a bunch of cells, into a human. And I didn’t control one bit of that. In fact, I’m pretty sure that had I tried to control it I couldn’t have done as good of a job.

Now you can take that to the opposite extreme and ask, why care at all – eat whatever you want and sit on the couch all day since there’s nothing you can do to control the situation – take the free ride, but it’s not about that either. The idea is to be balanced. You don’t have to “eat for 2″, but you don’t have to diet either. Listen to what your body is telling you. Eat when you’re hungry, stop when you’re satisfied, and move a bit every day. Your body will tell you when it’s had enough or when it needs to rest, you just have to listen.

Not caring has given me a tremendous sense of freedom and it only drives home the lesson that I try to teach everyone, that you need to surrender and put yourself in uncomfortable situations to prove to yourself that the things you make a big deal about are actually not as big as you make them out to be. And what’s even more is that they may even turn out better than you had ever imagined.

Remember This…

Tue, November 15, 2011 4:44 PM

Ever hear of Newton’s Law of Inertia? You may not know the proper name for it, but you’ve definitely heard the phrase “an object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion”, right? Well, Newton it seems wasn’t just a genius scientist, he was a genius coach, because this principle doesn’t just apply to physics, it applies to your mind and your body as well.

It’s like when you decide to wipe a spot on the table. It’s just a little spot. But then, once you clean that spot you notice another and another until you’ve not only cleaned the entire table, but your bookshelf too, because it’s right next to the table and you have a wet rag in your hand anyway, and if you sit down now you know it’s never going to get done later, so what the hell, you’ll clean the bookshelf too. Oh, and the mirror next to the bookshelf. And did you see that dust bunny roll behind the lamp? Once you start you can’t stop.

So many times when working with clients I’ve seen them quit at the last 3 reps. They say it’s because it’s “too hard”, “they’re muscles are on fire”, or they’re “out of breath”. As a trainer though you learn to spot the signs when someone is truly at their limit or if they’re just giving up because it’s difficult. It’s one thing if you’re at true failure (in fitness failure is a spectacular thing – think about that!), then I can understand not being able to lift any more, but if you’re giving out because it’s hard, I have news for you, it is always physically hard. If it isn’t then you’re not growing. That doesn’t mean you need to be in pain, but you need to challenge yourself. That never ever changes and never goes away. If you always stop at the last three then you’ll always stop at the last three, because you give yourself permission to do so. Without fail, every time I need to work out there is still this thought in the back of my mind, “really? Maybe I’ll just stay home. I’m really not in the mood.” And that’s after 10 years! The difference though, is that I go anyway, because put simply, that is what I do. I am an object in motion staying in motion.

Finding a healthy balance in your life (food, exercise, sleep, work, play, family, etc.) isn’t something that happens overnight. It’s something that takes careful honing and work. If you really want to change your habits, it is deliberate, and takes a shift in attitude. Over time though, it gets easier, not because there are no obstacles, but because it becomes second nature. Giving into your excuses and not challenging them only leads to you sitting on the couch watching yet another episode of How I Met Your Mother. You settling for a bit of immediate gratification keeps you from moving forward, and all that serves to do is keep you on that couch. You have to expect some discomfort and know that you can overcome it, because if you stay on that couch you’ll remain on that couch, but if you decide to just shut the excuses up and move you’ll be more likely to move the day after and the day after that – discomfort and all.

Truthfulness = Balance

Mon, October 17, 2011 3:00 PM

In Yoga, there is a principal called satya, the practice of truthfulness. Now,
from what I know from many of my clients, yoga sometimes gets a bad rap for being slow, boring, and “not as good of a workout as lifting weights”. And I’ll admit, I thought that way too for a while.

But then I got pregnant. And I discovered yoga for what it really is. And believe me, it has nothing to do with long lean muscles (although that is a nice possible side-effect).

During the first three months of this little girl growing inside of me, she managed to make me nauseous and unavoidably exhausted every waking minute of the day, which as you can imagine (or have experienced) doesn’t leave you with much energy to brush your hair, much less lift weights.

I tried a few yoga classes in the past and never really took to them the way I did to Spinning, running, or lifting weights. It didn’t leave me utterly drained the way those things do, which made me believe that I was wasting my time. This time around though, because I
really couldn’t keep up with my old workout routines, I tried a few yoga DVDs on my own and loved the way it made me feel. On days I had barely any energy I did just some light stretching, but on days when I could muster it, and especially now, I do a more vigorous and flowing yoga that leaves me feeling energized, taller, and in a lightened mood (and actually out of breath). Not to mention, more open and flexible.

But the real power of yoga didn’t come to me until a few weeks ago.

In one of the DVDs, I heard this phrase: “there’s no ego in yoga”.

Think about that. We’re always comparing ourselves to others and basing our feelings of adequacy on what other people look like or can do. In a yoga class, where you’re so close to everyone, you might find yourself comparing your ability to hold a pose or do it perfectly based on how the instructor or your mat-mate is doing it. But it’s not about that.

And this is where satya comes in.

The principal of satya gives you the chance to experience an amazing quality of yoga. It allows you to experience your own truth, and essentially, not be perfect based on someone else, but to be your own kind of perfect. To do this, you need to honor your truth, which means you might not be able to contort yourself the way someone else can, or even simply open your hip as much as your yoga mat neighbor. That’s ok. Be honest about your own limits and adjust accordingly. If you can’t balance on one foot, balance on one toe. Do what you can. Eventually you will get there.
This will help you practice calmly, which will allow you to find balance not just in your poses, but in your life.

Even if yoga really isn’t your thing, think about practicing being truthful at work, on the subway, with your friends, and in the dressing room. Find your own place in this fast world. Be honest about yourself and you will find balance.

8 Pounds And Counting

Mon, September 19, 2011 3:14 PM

Every time I speak to my mother-in-law the first question after she asks me how I am is “so, how much weight did you gain so far?” This isn’t your typical catty-woman question. That’s not why she is asking it. She is Ukranian, and Ukranian women are supposed to have a little bit of meat. They’re not crazy like us Americans. A little bit of meat means your healthy. Plus, if you think about it, a country where you had to stand on line for rationed toilet paper means that you most likely didn’t let a lot of things, especially food, go to waste.

So, on Friday, I was happy to report to her that I have gained a total of 8lb. so far. She was happy and I was happy, because I know I’m supposed to be gaining weight, but I would be lying if I didn’t tell you that my former devil-Dani self wasn’t nagging at me in the back of my head a little bit. That little putrid voice that tells me, however irrationally, that I can’t gain an ounce of weight ever. Even if there’s a baby inside of me. It’s just not allowed. It’s not according to the “rules”. The rules I so strictly lived my life by for so many years. And then the fear sets in…

I have to remind myself that these arbitrary rules I once put into place are no more real than an imaginary friend. I’m growing a baby – of course I need to gain weight. Of course it’s ok. Of course it’s healthy and expected. Nevertheless though, I still get that twinge of fear – what if I end up gaining way more than is healthy. What if I get out of control and start bingeing again? What if I can’t lose it after this little girl is born?

And then, that’s exactly what snaps me back to reality – those three amazing words… “this little girl”. Actually, it’s not just a little girl, it’s my little girl, and I would never want her to have this kind of voice in her head. I didn’t work so hard to overcome my eating and body image issues so that she could see me loathing myself because being pregnant with her made me gain weight. I never want her to model me constantly looking in the mirror to see where the fat settled, feeling depressed when I get dressed in the morning because I hate how everything looks on me, or obsessively counting calories all day because I have to look a certain way.

My little girl is never going to grow up with a Mommy like that. No, she is going to learn that happiness doesn’t come from a number on the scale or the compliments of other people. It comes from being ok and loving who you are. So, today, as I leave you, I am fully acknowledging the fact that I gained 8lb. and it is ok.

Let’s Play A Game…

Mon, September 19, 2011 2:38 PM

Ok, here’s what you’ll need:

- 1 bottle cap (unscrewed from the bottle)
- A piece of paper
- A pen
- A chair to sit in while you play the game, unless you’re the standing type, in which case forget the chair.

Now, look at the bottle cap and ask yourself, “what else could this be?” Flip the cap over, lay it on its side, and play around with it. Give yourself 5 minutes and write down all the possibilities on your sheet of paper.

No really, don’t just read on to see what I have to say about it, try it out for yourself…

Ok, time’s up. Here’s a few things I came up with…
1. A tiny hat for a tiny man.
2. A water bowl for a mouse.
3. A plug for a hole.
4. A chew toy for my dogs.
5. Something to trace in the event I needed a perfect circle.
6. A tiny ashtray for the tiny man’s tiny cigarette.

Did you come up with the same things? Did you come up with some things I didn’t even think about? Or did you not come up with anything at all?

There are countless things that this bottle cap can be that have nothing to do with closing a bottle. And that’s exactly my point. Nothing in life is every simply how it seems.

Take for example the dreaded “I feel fat” scenario we’re so good at. You can think to yourself, I’m fat, my clothes don’t look good on me, everyone else thinks I’m fat, and I’ll never be anything else. Or, you can think of all the other things you are. Maybe you’re strong, an amazing writer, a fantastic friend, a great listener, good at your job, a loving wife, sister, or daughter… The list can go on and on, but you have to make that list and begin to see the good things that you are, not the bad things.

Reframe the way you think about yourself.

Yes, this may seem so simple compared to what you’re feeling, but if you really want to change the way you think about yourself you have to start somewhere.

This all came to my on my run just now. I haven’t really run at all in 4 months. Well, aside from the time in May when I tried to run around the block and thought I would pass out from utter exhaustion before I even got to my door, and 2 weeks ago when I finally gave it another shot, today was my third day out in 4 months. It’s been too hot to run in the summer and honestly, this baby is kicking my butt when it comes to working out.

So, there I was today, in the park, starting my run (er, jog, umm, bounce…) and I was thinking about how far I would go. Being as how I haven’t done this at all in a while, I was thinking that I should exercise caution and not do the whole loop, which is 3.4 miles. I decided to run 1 1/4 miles forward and 1 1/4 miles back, for a total of 2 1/2 miles.

Now, for those of you who are rolling your eyes and saying, “at least she ran that far, I couldn’t even run a block”, you have to realize that everyone has their beginning point. There was a time I couldn’t run a whole block either and then managed to train myself to run a half-marathon. You can do that too. For me though, today was a defeat because I should be able to run 2.5 miles without a problem.

Or was it?

The first quarter of a mile was ok and it slowly started get more difficult, and by the time I got to the 3/4 mile mark I couldn’t believe how draining it was. My hips creaked and my back felt tights, but I just kept putting one foot in front of the other though, singing my ABC’s (They tell you to do that so you can you see how high your heart rate is. As long as you can sing it without taking too many big breaths you’re ok.), trudging and plodding back up the hill I so easily came down before.

What popped into my head then was how frustrating this was and how much of my ability I’ve lost. I’ve run three half-marathons and now 2 1/2 miles is enough to make me weak in the knees and need to take a nap? It’s unnerving, unsettling, and beyond frustrating. What if I can never gain back the ability I once had? What if it’s too hard, to draining, and I never pick up the motivation to do it?

But then I got a dose of reality and now I know that’s crazy. Of course I can gain it back. I did it once before and I will do it again. For right now though, I need to reframe the way I think about fitness, because if I keep focusing on the things I can’t do now I will surely lose the motivation.

Before I got pregnant it was all about staying toned and pushing myself to challenging limits, but now that I have this little growing baby inside of me I need to think about fitness in terms of being the healthiest I can be for my baby and me. It’s not about losing weight or looking great in a pair of jeans. It’s about making sure that my baby has the best start to this life that I can give her. You think that’s easy? Not really. I need to constantly remind myself about that and fight the urge to push myself further.

When I work out my baby works out, which means when I diet my baby diets. Who would ever recommend a diet for a baby in the womb? That’s just insane. On the trek back up the hill I became acutely aware of my heart rate and that it’s ok for it to feel more difficult now, because the bigger picture here is not that I’m going to look good from running, it’s that I am strengthening my baby’s heart and lungs. It’s that I am doing this to give her oxygen and life. And let’s face it, it’s pretty darn amazing that I even got out there in the first place. There aren’t many pregnant women out there running.

I came home completely beat and made sure to have a proper recovery snack (chocolate milk and a pear), again, not because I need to look good and the refueling will help, but because my baby needs it.

This photo doesn't do the way I really came home justice...

So, here’s my point: There are going to be times when you’re feeling stuck or bad about yourself. Maybe it’s today. When you’re feeling stuck and like things won’t ever change, I want you to think about that bottle cap. Think about how maybe you’re not seeing all the possibilities. Only seeing the bottle cap for closing a bottle is thinking in terms of black and white. It either is or it isn’t. Don’t forget that there is a whole realm of in-between and possibility. You just have to rethink it.

On this note, before I go, I just want to give a bigger than huge shout out to my clients Kelly and Jen Z. for being braver than they even know these past few weeks. They are what got me thinking about this post really, because they are beginning to see things for what they could be, not for what they are. You have made me so proud and honored to be your trainer and coach.

(I would love to hear your list and see what you came up with. Please share…)

Think About It

Tue, August 23, 2011 5:22 PM

I’ve become a bit of a wuss lately.I’m way more cautious and nervous about things I never would have thought twice about before this pregnancy. Like, should I cross the street now even though the orange standing man is steady on the cross walk and the next car coming down the street is 3 stop lights away – what if my sense of distance is off and I misjudge how fast the car is really going?

Should I have an apple now because that’s what I’m in the mood for or should I have a well-rounded balanced meal, because that’s what I’m told I should do?

Maybe I shouldn’t be walking on those subway grates or metal doors that go to who knows where underneath stores – what if after all these years of walking on them I fall in?

The other day, crossing the street, Roman and I both had the same hesitation. I laughed at how pathetic we were and so did he, but then he said rather seriously, “it’s just that now we have too much to lose”.

That got me thinking: Do we have too much to lose now just because I’m pregnant and we’re going to have a baby that’s more precious than our own lives or did we always have so much to lose, but never thought about it until now? So, I started making a mental list of all the things I had before this pregnancy that are too much to lose. I’ll share it with you…

1. Roman, who I love with not just my whole heart, but every cell of my body. I can’t imagine life without him.

2. Our home that we decorated together, and already in just two and a half years has way too many memories to count.

3. My mom who would build me wings if I told her I wanted to fly.

4. My sister who would fly right beside me just because I wanted her to.

5. Billiam and Ozzie, the 2 best dogs that I could have asked for and who have taught me so much about discipline, love, affection, taking care of something, determination, and balance.

6. My friends who I know are there for me whenever and if ever I need them.

7. My passion for life and the willingness to live on my own terms.

8. My clients who have impacted my life as much as I hope I’ve impacted theirs.

And the list goes on and on…

I always knew I had these things, but I never really THOUGHT about it. And that got me thinking about even deeper things.

When you’re struggling with something you think you’re never going to get through and never figure your way out, you tend to see the world as black and white. Things are either amazing or they are the worst they could be. You feel stuck, and it’s easy not to realize all the things in between that black and white that you need to be thankful for. Things that are there even if you’re too fat, too thin, struggling with emotional eating, not being where you expected to be in your career, fighting with your family, and feeling like you’ll never get to a happy place. The thing is though, you have to not just selectively see the bad, but you have to selectively see the good that is there too.

If you just realize all the things you have to lose you’ll realize that your happy place is already right here. You just need to recognize it.

Now it’s your turn – Make list of all the things in your life that would be too much to lose.

Big Huge Massive News!

Thu, August 4, 2011 12:54 PM

I’ve teased all you followers on Facebook for weeks about some big announcements that I’m dying to tell you. I can’t reveal all of them now, but I will let you in on at least one very huge one…

Very Personal Training is turning 2 years old this month and in honor of our birthday I am so proud to announce that we are moving to a brand new personal training studio! This is a massive step for this little baby that has been 2 years in the making and I am ecstatic to finally say that it’s happening!

Stay tuned for info on the grand opening. Let the demolition, construction, and decorating begin!

Accepting The Body You Have Now

Tue, June 21, 2011 11:21 AM

A client asked me the other day if there’s such a thing as an objectively beautiful way to look. I said no. I don’t believe that such a thing as objectivity exists, because what you think is beautiful and what I think is beautiful can be 2 different things. Yes, Megan Fox is gorgeous – I think we can agree on that – but to say that is the only kind of beautiful there is would be missing out on a whole lot.

It’s ok to want to strive to look and feel better, but not if it’s unattainable or unrealistic. And definitely not if you’re doing it to gain acceptance of others, yourself, or to “finally be happy”. More importantly though, you have to like yourself along the road, otherwise you’re not going to suddenly be happy when you get there. Most likely your body isn’t the only thing holding you back.

You have to realize and internalize the thought that despite what you look like, you are still you. If you’re thin or overweight, you’re still all the other things that make you who you are. And for that, you have to love every bit of yourself and stop judging your self-solely on your size.

Check out this great article in the Huffington Post yesterday about accepting the body you have now.

Comfortably Uncomfortable

Thu, June 16, 2011 11:25 AM

I have a habit of throwing myself into uncomfortable situations.

Sky diving, done it.

Public speaking, check.

Starting my business with absolutely no knowledge whatsoever of running one, yup.

Asking a guy out, uh huh.

Saying I love you first, yup, that s me.

Telling my boyfriend I wanted to marry him and then giving him a deadline by which he had to ask me, sure, why not. (we ve been married almost 5 years now &) See, so there s definitely a pattern.

What s the method to my madness? I ve struggled since I was a kid with body image issues. I ve been through anorexia, bulimia, and depression in trying to find the one thing that will make me happy and comfortable with myself. Skinny was not the cure. I ve been bone-thin-stickbug-skinny and I ve been 7 different sizes, so I can definitely tell you that skinny isn t going to make you happy.

What will make you happy though is showing yourself what you re made of. What you re capable of. Because, when you throw yourself into something that you think you can t handle, and you come out of it knowing that despite your fears you still went in there trying and fighting, you conquer yourself. You prove to yourself that it s ok to not be perfect, because hey, at least you tried, and trying makes you the strongest person you know. And despite all the stories you tell yourself not thin enough, smart enough, pretty enough, savvy enough you prove to yourself that your self-worth is not tied up in the labels you give yourself.

It s not that I m not afraid of anything anymore. I definitely am afraid of lots of things. (I m so afraid of one thing in particular that I can t even write the word on the page I ll give you a hint though they ve been around since the dinosaurs and will be around long after we re all gone.) Ok, now I m shaking a little &

Ok, so, that s how I ended up in Koren Reyes’ studio with my bra off, wearing just my husband s tie and a thong. Yup, I was definitely nervous. My hands were shaking on the cab ride over. And when I walked in the door it was the first thing I told her (by the way, she does an amazing job at making you feel comfortable by telling you exactly what to do). I started off with about 6 layers on and ended up with just a tie that s how good she is!

What I found though was that the hardest part wasn t the posing or being naked in front of a stranger, it was looking at the photos after I found myself scrutinizing every agonizing little detail about my body and face. My thighs were too plump at the top, my butt was too white, my cellulite was showing a bit (actually though, in photo it s not as bad as I think it is when I look in the mirror, so go figure!), I chose the wrong panties for one of the outfits, which made my stomach look not as tight as I would like it to have looked, my face looked too serious in some of them, and on and on and on. Surprisingly enough, my favorite one was the barest of them all!

After finally choosing my favorites I left and felt like I was a mega rock star. Despite some feelings of not thinking my body was perfect I realized that I did something that most women would be terrified of. I know my friends would be, because they were all vicariously living through me as I told them about my experience wanting to know every little itty-bitty detail. And now I know, that no matter what I think the pictures look like (I can t trust myself anyway. My mind and the mirror clearly don t see eye to eye) I am truly amazing, because I conquered a fear.

Here are my tips for you:

It s not that you don t fit the clothes, it s that the clothes don t fit you.
You ve got what you got. Learn to accept it, love it, and move on. Life is too short.
You can t avoid taking the pictures because you hate the way you look. You ve GOT TO take the pictures, so you can learn to see yourself in a new way and learn to love what you have.
Your body doesn t define you. You re still you despite having chunky thighs, or jiggly underarms, or a mushy tummy. There are many other things that define you, so stop letting the way you look be the be-all-end-all.

If you have any reservations about going for your shoot, don t! The only way out of a tunnel is through it, so go towards your fear and get past it!

P.S. Sorry for the lack of pictures, but it’s not the kind of thing I want roaming around on the internet

What Scares You The Most?

Fri, April 22, 2011 1:02 PM

I’m always talking about taking risks and facing your fears to find your true self. About putting all the things you SHOULD do aside for the things you WANT to do. To get rid of perfectionism and really truly love yourself no matter how you think you look. To be as authentic as possible and not let outside influences dictate how you feel about yourself.

I’ve never been able to put it into words quite like Brene Brown.

Thank you to my client Mary for this extremely eye-opening video. The way you live life will never be the same.

(Yes, it’s 20 minutes, but it flies by and you’ll be wishing there was more.)

[ted id=1042]