Pregnancy and Body Image

A client of mine asked me today how I was feeling. Aside from the mellowness from the gloomy weather I’m feeling pretty good. She said, “yeah, but are you ready to have the baby out?” I must get this question countless times a week and my answer is always no. Why? I love being pregnant! This also seems to garner many shocked reactions of people who either know of other women or themselves felt miserable during pregnancy. I don’t know if it’s due to being in good shape and keeping it up during these past 8 1/2 months or if I”m just one of the lucky ones who haven’t suffered any major reactions to pregnancy, but I absolutely love it. Here’s the main reason why…

I’m out of control.

Yes, that seems crazy to a lot of people. Most people with body image issues crave control and order, so you would think that not being in control of the way my body is changing would be a major catalyst for a body image breakdown, but surprisingly it’s not. The only choice I have is to surrender to what’s going on inside of me and let go of the control that I’ve sought my whole life. I need to let my body to what it’s going to do. And you know what? This is the best I’ve ever felt about myself.

Plus, this little girl growing inside of me is more important than any perfection that I can strive for.

Think about that – my body is doing what it’s supposed to do without me having to give it any instruction. It’s managed to turn one cell into a bunch of cells, into a human. And I didn’t control one bit of that. In fact, I’m pretty sure that had I tried to control it I couldn’t have done as good of a job.

Now you can take that to the opposite extreme and ask, why care at all – eat whatever you want and sit on the couch all day since there’s nothing you can do to control the situation – take the free ride, but it’s not about that either. The idea is to be balanced. You don’t have to “eat for 2″, but you don’t have to diet either. Listen to what your body is telling you. Eat when you’re hungry, stop when you’re satisfied, and move a bit every day. Your body will tell you when it’s had enough or when it needs to rest, you just have to listen.

Not caring has given me a tremendous sense of freedom and it only drives home the lesson that I try to teach everyone, that you need to surrender and put yourself in uncomfortable situations to prove to yourself that the things you make a big deal about are actually not as big as you make them out to be. And what’s even more is that they may even turn out better than you had ever imagined.

8 Pounds And Counting

Every time I speak to my mother-in-law the first question after she asks me how I am is “so, how much weight did you gain so far?” This isn’t your typical catty-woman question. That’s not why she is asking it. She is Ukranian, and Ukranian women are supposed to have a little bit of meat. They’re not crazy like us Americans. A little bit of meat means your healthy. Plus, if you think about it, a country where you had to stand on line for rationed toilet paper means that you most likely didn’t let a lot of things, especially food, go to waste.

So, on Friday, I was happy to report to her that I have gained a total of 8lb. so far. She was happy and I was happy, because I know I’m supposed to be gaining weight, but I would be lying if I didn’t tell you that my former devil-Dani self wasn’t nagging at me in the back of my head a little bit. That little putrid voice that tells me, however irrationally, that I can’t gain an ounce of weight ever. Even if there’s a baby inside of me. It’s just not allowed. It’s not according to the “rules”. The rules I so strictly lived my life by for so many years. And then the fear sets in…

I have to remind myself that these arbitrary rules I once put into place are no more real than an imaginary friend. I’m growing a baby – of course I need to gain weight. Of course it’s ok. Of course it’s healthy and expected. Nevertheless though, I still get that twinge of fear – what if I end up gaining way more than is healthy. What if I get out of control and start bingeing again? What if I can’t lose it after this little girl is born?

And then, that’s exactly what snaps me back to reality – those three amazing words… “this little girl”. Actually, it’s not just a little girl, it’s my little girl, and I would never want her to have this kind of voice in her head. I didn’t work so hard to overcome my eating and body image issues so that she could see me loathing myself because being pregnant with her made me gain weight. I never want her to model me constantly looking in the mirror to see where the fat settled, feeling depressed when I get dressed in the morning because I hate how everything looks on me, or obsessively counting calories all day because I have to look a certain way.

My little girl is never going to grow up with a Mommy like that. No, she is going to learn that happiness doesn’t come from a number on the scale or the compliments of other people. It comes from being ok and loving who you are. So, today, as I leave you, I am fully acknowledging the fact that I gained 8lb. and it is ok.

Let’s Play A Game…

Ok, here’s what you’ll need:

- 1 bottle cap (unscrewed from the bottle)
- A piece of paper
- A pen
- A chair to sit in while you play the game, unless you’re the standing type, in which case forget the chair.

Now, look at the bottle cap and ask yourself, “what else could this be?” Flip the cap over, lay it on its side, and play around with it. Give yourself 5 minutes and write down all the possibilities on your sheet of paper.

No really, don’t just read on to see what I have to say about it, try it out for yourself…

Ok, time’s up. Here’s a few things I came up with…
1. A tiny hat for a tiny man.
2. A water bowl for a mouse.
3. A plug for a hole.
4. A chew toy for my dogs.
5. Something to trace in the event I needed a perfect circle.
6. A tiny ashtray for the tiny man’s tiny cigarette.

Did you come up with the same things? Did you come up with some things I didn’t even think about? Or did you not come up with anything at all?

There are countless things that this bottle cap can be that have nothing to do with closing a bottle. And that’s exactly my point. Nothing in life is every simply how it seems.

Take for example the dreaded “I feel fat” scenario we’re so good at. You can think to yourself, I’m fat, my clothes don’t look good on me, everyone else thinks I’m fat, and I’ll never be anything else. Or, you can think of all the other things you are. Maybe you’re strong, an amazing writer, a fantastic friend, a great listener, good at your job, a loving wife, sister, or daughter… The list can go on and on, but you have to make that list and begin to see the good things that you are, not the bad things.

Reframe the way you think about yourself.

Yes, this may seem so simple compared to what you’re feeling, but if you really want to change the way you think about yourself you have to start somewhere.

This all came to my on my run just now. I haven’t really run at all in 4 months. Well, aside from the time in May when I tried to run around the block and thought I would pass out from utter exhaustion before I even got to my door, and 2 weeks ago when I finally gave it another shot, today was my third day out in 4 months. It’s been too hot to run in the summer and honestly, this baby is kicking my butt when it comes to working out.

So, there I was today, in the park, starting my run (er, jog, umm, bounce…) and I was thinking about how far I would go. Being as how I haven’t done this at all in a while, I was thinking that I should exercise caution and not do the whole loop, which is 3.4 miles. I decided to run 1 1/4 miles forward and 1 1/4 miles back, for a total of 2 1/2 miles.

Now, for those of you who are rolling your eyes and saying, “at least she ran that far, I couldn’t even run a block”, you have to realize that everyone has their beginning point. There was a time I couldn’t run a whole block either and then managed to train myself to run a half-marathon. You can do that too. For me though, today was a defeat because I should be able to run 2.5 miles without a problem.

Or was it?

The first quarter of a mile was ok and it slowly started get more difficult, and by the time I got to the 3/4 mile mark I couldn’t believe how draining it was. My hips creaked and my back felt tights, but I just kept putting one foot in front of the other though, singing my ABC’s (They tell you to do that so you can you see how high your heart rate is. As long as you can sing it without taking too many big breaths you’re ok.), trudging and plodding back up the hill I so easily came down before.

What popped into my head then was how frustrating this was and how much of my ability I’ve lost. I’ve run three half-marathons and now 2 1/2 miles is enough to make me weak in the knees and need to take a nap? It’s unnerving, unsettling, and beyond frustrating. What if I can never gain back the ability I once had? What if it’s too hard, to draining, and I never pick up the motivation to do it?

But then I got a dose of reality and now I know that’s crazy. Of course I can gain it back. I did it once before and I will do it again. For right now though, I need to reframe the way I think about fitness, because if I keep focusing on the things I can’t do now I will surely lose the motivation.

Before I got pregnant it was all about staying toned and pushing myself to challenging limits, but now that I have this little growing baby inside of me I need to think about fitness in terms of being the healthiest I can be for my baby and me. It’s not about losing weight or looking great in a pair of jeans. It’s about making sure that my baby has the best start to this life that I can give her. You think that’s easy? Not really. I need to constantly remind myself about that and fight the urge to push myself further.

When I work out my baby works out, which means when I diet my baby diets. Who would ever recommend a diet for a baby in the womb? That’s just insane. On the trek back up the hill I became acutely aware of my heart rate and that it’s ok for it to feel more difficult now, because the bigger picture here is not that I’m going to look good from running, it’s that I am strengthening my baby’s heart and lungs. It’s that I am doing this to give her oxygen and life. And let’s face it, it’s pretty darn amazing that I even got out there in the first place. There aren’t many pregnant women out there running.

I came home completely beat and made sure to have a proper recovery snack (chocolate milk and a pear), again, not because I need to look good and the refueling will help, but because my baby needs it.

This photo doesn't do the way I really came home justice...

So, here’s my point: There are going to be times when you’re feeling stuck or bad about yourself. Maybe it’s today. When you’re feeling stuck and like things won’t ever change, I want you to think about that bottle cap. Think about how maybe you’re not seeing all the possibilities. Only seeing the bottle cap for closing a bottle is thinking in terms of black and white. It either is or it isn’t. Don’t forget that there is a whole realm of in-between and possibility. You just have to rethink it.

On this note, before I go, I just want to give a bigger than huge shout out to my clients Kelly and Jen Z. for being braver than they even know these past few weeks. They are what got me thinking about this post really, because they are beginning to see things for what they could be, not for what they are. You have made me so proud and honored to be your trainer and coach.

(I would love to hear your list and see what you came up with. Please share…)

Lose The Hate, Lose The Weight

There once was a woman with a rather large hook nose. And she loved that nose. She spoke of how it was her grandfather’s nose, who had his mother’s nose, who had her mother’s nose, and how that nose told a story of generations of people who were funny, brave, and kind. She wouldn’t trade that nose for anything, because even though it wasn’t pert and petite, and it overtook her face, it told a story of generations. She saw that nose as something to flaunt rather than hide. She loved that nose.

I don’t make this stuff up, girls! A new study* published in the International Journal of Behavioral Nutrition and Physical Activity shows that improving your body image can enhance the effectiveness of weight loss programs based on diet and exercise.

I learned this stuff through years of my own personal experiences with poor body image and weight gain, but I don’t have an M.D. or Ph.D after my name to make people really believe me, however this is EXACTLY what I’ve been practicing, preaching, teaching, and instilling in my clients.

Overweight and obese women were enrolled in a year-long weight loss program. Half were given information on eating well, exercise, stress management, and the importance of looking after yourself. The other half attended a 30 week group session where they discussed emotional eating, exercise, improving body image, and how to identify obstacles to weight loss and how to overcome them.

Compared with the first group of women, the second group improved the way they thought about their body and concerns over the size and shape of their body reduced. They were more successful in regulating what they ate and lost on average 7% of their starting weight compared with 2% for the group who just got the information alone.

Dr. Teixeira, who led the research had this to say:

“Body image problems are very common amongst overweight and obese people, often leading to comfort eating and more rigid eating patterns, and are obstacles to losing weight. Our results showed a strong correlation between improvements in body image, especially in reducing anxiety about other peoples’ opinions, and positive changes in eating behavior. From this we believe that learning to relate to your body in healthier ways is an important aspect of maintaining weight loss and should be addressed in every weight control program.”

So there you have it. I’m no doctor, but the message I’m trying to send about feeling good about yourself no matter what stage in your weight loss you are can be the linch pin in your success.

What do you think about this?

* BioMed Central Limited. “‘Love your body’ to lose weight.” ScienceDaily, 18 Jul. 2011. Web. 25 Jul. 2011.

Comfortably Uncomfortable

I have a habit of throwing myself into uncomfortable situations.

Sky diving, done it.

Public speaking, check.

Starting my business with absolutely no knowledge whatsoever of running one, yup.

Asking a guy out, uh huh.

Saying I love you first, yup, that s me.

Telling my boyfriend I wanted to marry him and then giving him a deadline by which he had to ask me, sure, why not. (we ve been married almost 5 years now &) See, so there s definitely a pattern.

What s the method to my madness? I ve struggled since I was a kid with body image issues. I ve been through anorexia, bulimia, and depression in trying to find the one thing that will make me happy and comfortable with myself. Skinny was not the cure. I ve been bone-thin-stickbug-skinny and I ve been 7 different sizes, so I can definitely tell you that skinny isn t going to make you happy.

What will make you happy though is showing yourself what you re made of. What you re capable of. Because, when you throw yourself into something that you think you can t handle, and you come out of it knowing that despite your fears you still went in there trying and fighting, you conquer yourself. You prove to yourself that it s ok to not be perfect, because hey, at least you tried, and trying makes you the strongest person you know. And despite all the stories you tell yourself not thin enough, smart enough, pretty enough, savvy enough you prove to yourself that your self-worth is not tied up in the labels you give yourself.

It s not that I m not afraid of anything anymore. I definitely am afraid of lots of things. (I m so afraid of one thing in particular that I can t even write the word on the page I ll give you a hint though they ve been around since the dinosaurs and will be around long after we re all gone.) Ok, now I m shaking a little &

Ok, so, that s how I ended up in Koren Reyes’ studio with my bra off, wearing just my husband s tie and a thong. Yup, I was definitely nervous. My hands were shaking on the cab ride over. And when I walked in the door it was the first thing I told her (by the way, she does an amazing job at making you feel comfortable by telling you exactly what to do). I started off with about 6 layers on and ended up with just a tie that s how good she is!

What I found though was that the hardest part wasn t the posing or being naked in front of a stranger, it was looking at the photos after I found myself scrutinizing every agonizing little detail about my body and face. My thighs were too plump at the top, my butt was too white, my cellulite was showing a bit (actually though, in photo it s not as bad as I think it is when I look in the mirror, so go figure!), I chose the wrong panties for one of the outfits, which made my stomach look not as tight as I would like it to have looked, my face looked too serious in some of them, and on and on and on. Surprisingly enough, my favorite one was the barest of them all!

After finally choosing my favorites I left and felt like I was a mega rock star. Despite some feelings of not thinking my body was perfect I realized that I did something that most women would be terrified of. I know my friends would be, because they were all vicariously living through me as I told them about my experience wanting to know every little itty-bitty detail. And now I know, that no matter what I think the pictures look like (I can t trust myself anyway. My mind and the mirror clearly don t see eye to eye) I am truly amazing, because I conquered a fear.

Here are my tips for you:

It s not that you don t fit the clothes, it s that the clothes don t fit you.
You ve got what you got. Learn to accept it, love it, and move on. Life is too short.
You can t avoid taking the pictures because you hate the way you look. You ve GOT TO take the pictures, so you can learn to see yourself in a new way and learn to love what you have.
Your body doesn t define you. You re still you despite having chunky thighs, or jiggly underarms, or a mushy tummy. There are many other things that define you, so stop letting the way you look be the be-all-end-all.

If you have any reservations about going for your shoot, don t! The only way out of a tunnel is through it, so go towards your fear and get past it!

P.S. Sorry for the lack of pictures, but it’s not the kind of thing I want roaming around on the internet ;)

Cellulite Shmellulite

I have two words for you: Swim suit.

We just got back from an amazing week in Cancun and it’s not the pool, warm weather, and sun that I’m all pumped up about (well, actually, it definitely is, but indulge me…). I’m mega excited about the fact that this was the first time I strutted around all day in my swimsuit without trying to meticulously hide my thighs. I didn’t take my towel and leave it on the edge of the pool as I usually do, so that I could wrap it around my legs as I snuck out of the pool. And I didn’t wear a cover-up into the pool, because let’s face it, cover-ups are just as good as carrying a giant sign with an arrow pointing at your ass saying, “hey guys, look here, my ass is big, and I’m embarrassed by it, but I think I’m clever by hiding it with a small piece of fabric”. And I didn’t stare at myself endlessly in the mirror before going out to the pool willing myself to think that maybe my thighs aren’t as big as I perceive them to be. No, instead I had an amazing time, because I decided once and for all, that this time I’m just not going to care.

All the other times I’ve gone away I’ve been so obsessed with what I look like compared to everyone else that I was basically saying to myself, “you’re not allowed to have a good time. Ever.” I remember going to Acapulco a few years back and thinking that every woman around the pool was stunning. I wanted to disappear into my lounger, because all the other women had better bodies than me. I also remember being in Puerto Rico last year and seeing a girl surrounded by a gaggle of guys. It didn’t matter that there was a bit of a paunch to her belly and a bit of cellulite on the back of her thighs, she was laughing and having a fantastic time. At the time, I assumed that it must mean that her body was better than mine. That must be true, right?

No. She just had better confidence. And it wasn’t until this past week that I really felt what it was like to be confident about yourself no matter what. Yeah, my thighs may jiggle a bit more than I like, and my butt isn’t perfect, but that doesn’t matter. I had an amazing time, because I wasn’t so busy trying to camouflage every move, and I just enjoyed every minute of being myself. I’m pretty awesome I realized, and so are a lot of other people sitting around the pool.

We’re always told that there’s nothing sexier than a girl with confidence, but it’s hard to really believe that when you’re sitting by the pool next to a girl who deserves to be on the cover of Maxim. I’m here to tell you though, that it is one hundred percent true, because there is nothing more repulsive than someone who can’t laugh or have good time, because they’re too busy worrying about wanting to look or be different. Seriously, even girls can’t stand to be around other girls who are always asking, “do I look fat?” There’s really no use in comparing yourself to someone else. Some people have the perfect stomach or the most amazing legs, but that’s not what makes you light up a room, and that’s not what makes you happy. You make yourself happy. So, worrying about the things you can’t change is really just a waste of time. And I promise you, I feel different now. I will never be that girl again who tries to hide anything, because it’s so not worth it. I’ve felt the power of letting all that go and there’s no turning back now.

Feeling Ahhhhhmazing!

So, get out your bikinis and strut around your house tonight singing at the top of your lungs. Just let it all go.

Is It Ok To Put Your Baby On A Diet?


I just read this article about mothers putting their babies on diets because they’re afraid their babies are going to be overweight. I am sickened by this and think it’s disgusting! Most of the mothers admit to doing it because they’re fearful that their children are going to grow up to be overweight just like them, but come on, scooping out a bagel for a 1-year-old is insanity! A mother and father even put laxatives in their baby’s bottle because they were afraid she would be overweight just like her father.

Hello! Unlike adults who yo-yo diet and can’t tell when they’re hungry or full, babies have an internal mechanism that tells them. That is, unless you screw with it. The only thing these parents are going to give these children are a massive dose of self-esteem issues.

It’s not the babies who need to be put on a diet, it’s the parents who need to deal with their own problems. Children learn by watching and if they see you overeat then they will overeat too. And if they see you checking yourself in the mirror 95 times a day then they will learn to do the same.

What do you think about this?

Lose Your Excuses

What’s the one thing getting in the way of your success? YOU.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obdd31Q9PqA&feature=player_embedded]

There is no such thing as can’t, there’s only WON’T. And that’s what’s stopping you from seeing the results you want to see and truly changing your life. There’s never going to be the perfect time for you to get started and do the work that’s needed, so stop finding excuses for why you can’t do something and take control of your life. Wake up an hour earlier if you have to, put a band-aid on your blister, work your arms if you have shin-splints, and just stop the whining and complaining. No one is responsible for your life, so stop blaming other things and other people for why you’re failing. You’re failing because you’re not trying hard enough, and maybe you’re not trying hard enough, because you don’t want it badly enough. It’s a harsh reality, but it’s true.

It took me 10 years to get to where I am today, but I’ve never given up. And I know that it’s never over. It’s not that I’m perfect, it’s just a constant striving for success, and with each achievement there’s another one around the corner. There’s always more, because I want to be as far away from where I started as possible. I’ve seen clients completely turn their lives around by taking action and doing their homework, their workouts, and facing their harshest realities, even if it means facing their most intense anxieties and fears. No, it’s not easy, but it’s absolutely worth it, because in the end you’ll get what you want. And if you want it badly enough you’ll make it happen. NOTHING can stop you. Lose your excuses.

The Only Way Out Of A Tunnel Is Through It

you might even find some amazing things along the way

“By referring to previous struggles and using them as reasons for not getting on with your life today, your assigning responsibility to the past for why you can’t be successful or happy in the present. The more you see yourself as what you’d like to become, and act as if what you want is already there, the more you’ll activate those dormant forces that will collaborate to transform your dream into reality.”

– Dr. Wayne Dyer

I’ve heard from some of my clients in the past that they are afraid to even try to lose weight, because they’ve tried before and failed. They’re afraid of judgement from their friends, because what if they try and don’t succeed, then everyone will look at them as weak, lazy, and having failed. The thing is though, you’re letting the past and everyone else dictate what you can and cannot do. And the only purpose that’s serving is to keep you where you are today, which is overweight, unhappy, and self-conscious. You’re avoiding the pain of failure and replacing it with failure to try. And so you’re still in the same place that you’ve always been and it’s getting you no where near happy.

Don’t let past failure in losing weight have so much control over you and be the reason that you don’t try. Everyone will fail at least once, if not multiple times, on their way towards success. It’s the only way you learn. I’ve “failed” so many times on my way to regaining control over food and eating and I often wanted to just forget the whole thing and not even try, but I realized that I was even more miserable without trying, so suffering the possibility of failure and judgement from others wasn’t as bad. It was the choice between taking the “easy” road of staying sick and depressed, in order to avoid all the painful feelings that would come up, or doing the work to feel comfortable in my body again. The trick for me was to look at these failures as “flops”, rather than something so finite (flop has a softer and friendlier ring to it, don’t you think?). And to come up with my Victory Vision.

I often talk about writing a Victory Vision. This is an honest and heartfelt statement that you write to yourself about the things that frustrate and piss you off about where you are today. Seriously, I want you to get mad when you write this and think about all the things that you feel helpless over and what that’s doing to you. How does it make you feel and how unhappy are you feeling that way? Do you hate how you keep saying that you’re going to stop overeating, but then don’t, or are you upset that food has such a hold over you that it’s the first thing that you run for when you’re lonely or need comforting? Are you sick of living a life of yo-yo dieting and staring at the numbers on the scale or your imperfections in the mirror? What does it feel like to put on a dress and hate the way you look in it? What’s it like going into a dressing room and not being able to find anything that you feel good in? What makes you cry? Do you want to get rid of these things and feel better about yourself and have more confidence? What are these things doing to you mentally, emotionally, and physically? Write it all down and get it out there. Then, using the present tense, as if it were true already, I want you to describe what your life is like after you’ve gotten rid of all these problems. Write about your happiness, your confidence, your strength, and anything else that reaching your goal means to you. Make it as real as possible, so that you’ll want more than anything to get there.

You’re the only one that can change your life, so stop letting the past have such a hold over you. Stop avoiding failure and pain and start tackling these problems, because the only way out of a tunnel is through it.

Does This Eyeshadow Make Me Look Fat?

Click on the picture to zoom in


This past weekend I went shopping and tried on about 12 different dresses. I’m sure we’ve all been in a situation like this at some point, where you bring 12 things into the dressing room and nothing fits, so you walk out with nothing, upset, because you think that there’s something wrong with you. Why can’t you fit into anything? This store is open, so they must be selling, and if they must be selling then there are girls out there that somehow can fit into a pencil skirt sized for a doll. And there are girls out there that actually look great in a romper or some sort of shapeless dress that’s really a mumu, but now it’s a dress, because it’s been walked down a catwalk. Normally, this would be the case for me, but this time I actually walked out with 2 dresses, one of which was something I wouldn’t normally wear, but was fun, flirty, and made feel great!

So, we had a party to go to that night and I was all excited about wearing this dress. I got all primped and preened to maximize this dresses potential. Slicked my hair back, put on some mascara, blush, and lip gloss, put on some nice long earrings, some heels, and THE dress. And then I excitedly called my husband up the stairs to come take a look at my masterpiece. To say the least, his reaction was not what I was expecting. At all.

There have been a few times that I’ve put on a dress that made him just stare with his mouth open. And granted, I know that every dress can’t be that way, because then nothing would be special, but I thought for sure that THIS dress would leave him speechless. Don’t get me wrong, he liked it, but my expectations were so high that I don’t think he could have ever matched it, unless it was something magnificent. The problem though, was that I thought it was magnificent and I wanted him to think so too, so I made the mistake of poking and prodding at him to make him give me the answer that I wanted. And when it wasn’t the stellar response that I was expecting I got sad and mad at myself for ever thinking that it looked good in the first place. I figured that I must have been wrong in thinking that it looked good. And so I ended up wearing something else (which did elicit the response I had hoped for in the last dress, by the way :) ).

Although the new dress was great, he told me something that I knew to be true, but didn’t have the courage to do. He said that if I felt good in it then it shouldn’t matter what he or anyone thought. I always tell this to my clients, but here I was faced with it right now, and it was hard for me to reconcile my feelings. So, I wore the second dress to the party, but then the next day I went out to brunch with a friend of mine plus one of her friends and we all decided to wear the outfits that we love, but feel somewhat uncomfortable in. I wore THE dress, my friend wore her romper, and her friend wore something with way many more colors than she normally allows herself to wear. And you know what, I still felt great in it. Sure, I was somewhat conscious of it, but I still loved it. And I’m totally going to wear it again this week.

Moral of the story? If you feel great in something don’t ask, “does this make me look fat”? You don’t really want to know the answer, because if the response is any less than what you expected you’ll be disappointed. Plus, you’ll most likely just call attention to things that no one would have noticed in the first place. Like when you ask your friend if they see the pimple on your forehead. Before you mentioned it they might not have noticed it at all, and even if they did they weren’t paying nearly as close attention as they are now that you pointed it out. If you feel good in something then wear it and flaunt it. Don’t ruin your mood just because someone doesn’t agree with you. It’s all about confidence, because asking that dreaded question isn’t actually about if you look fat or not, it’s about seeking approval. It doesn’t matter what other people think. Be happy and own it!

(P.S. The next time I wear the dress I’ll take a picture and post it on here, so you can see :) .)

Have a question that needs answering? Send ‘em in! Every Thursday I’ll be answering a new question, and it might just be yours!